Former iCarly star Jennette McCurdy has opened up about her experience starring in two Nickelodeon shows and the treatment she endured from their creator behind the scenes. A former child star who co-starred with Miranda Cosgrove on iCarly before leading the spinoff series Sam & Cat alongside Ariana Grande, McCurdy has since stepped back from acting, refusing to reprise her role from those shows in the new iCarly reboot on Paramount+.

In her new memoir, I’m Glad My Mom Died, McCurdy sheds some new light on her time at Nickelodeon and further explains why she wants to leave that chapter of her life behind her. A lengthy excerpt from the book was published by Vanity Fair with McCurdy alleging misconduct from someone she chooses not to identify by name, referring to the man as “The Creator.” This would be the person who created both iCarly and Sam & Cat and has since parted ways with Nickelodeon after he was publicly leveled with allegations of misconduct.

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In the Vanity Fair story, McCurdy details the moment when she first tried alcohol after she was allegedly coerced by The Creator. McCurdy says that she was pressured to take a sip as the “Victorious kids get drunk together all the time,” suggesting that the iCarly kids needed a “little edge.” The Nickelodeon star acquiesced by taking a drink, she says.

McCurdy also details an occasion when The Creator had allegedly placed his hand on her knee, offering her his jacket when he noticed it gave her goosebumps. He then proceeded to allegedly give McCurdy a massage which made her uncomfortable.

Her dealings with The Creator would have McCurdy trying to finish filming on Sam & Cat as quickly as she could just so she could get away from the Nickelodeon set. McCurdy says she was literally “counting down the days until the show is over,” and was feeling so miserable she had actually fantasized about having a heart attack.

Jennette McCurdy Was Thrilled When Sam & Cat Was Canceled

     Nickelodeon

During this time, reports had begun to surface about the way The Creator had treated talent on and off set. This satisfied McCurdy that these allegations were coming to light as it brought about actual changes at Nickelodeon.

Fortunately for McCurdy, Sam & Cat was not meant to have the same levels of success as iCarly. It was canceled after one season, and at the time, that was the best news the young actress could have hoped for. She learned the news on a phone call with multiple managers and attorneys and was happy until she heard that the network was also offering a $300,000 check. McCurdy says this payment would have been in exchange for her forever staying silent about The Creator and her experience behind the scenes dealing with him on both iCarly and Sam & Cat. It’s a lot of money, but McCurdy outright refused, she says.

Even so, McCurdy jokes that maybe she should have just taken the check.

You can read the full excerpt at Vanity Fair, and you can purchase McCurdy’s memoir, I’m Glad My Mom Died, when it is released on Aug. 9.